Today was the first day in what felt like forever that i was able to feel your warm body against mine. The pressure you put against my back, your soft and calming voice lingering on and on in my head. We haven't talked for about five days and today we talked more than we have in the five days combined. The rush i got when you looked me in the eyes from across the room gave me shivers. It made me feel weak and vulnerable. i stared at you uneasily, memorizing every aspect of your face. There has been many nights where I would lay awake watching you sleep ever so peacefully. Everyday I wake up upset and distant from myself. Theres many things I would like to do with you. I would like to hug you and hold you close. I would like to kiss you and tell you I loved you to the moon and back. and its been 8 almost 9 months and I'm still now over you..this was supposed to be something i could do in order to get all the emotions that are bottled up inside of me out. I hate myself for what I did to you because there is so many things I wish i could do…and I can’t. I want to take back the last 18 months and make sure you felt like a queen. like a diamond and not some piece of coal. you are smart and beautiful and loving and caring. Rebecca, I love you with all my heart and I am deeply sorry for what i did to you.