Being myself is so hard when I barely know who I am, rather than who others expect me to be.

But the only one stopping me is me, if I were to die today what would I regret?

What would I say to those I love?

I would want to tell them many things, but why can't I now?

I feel fake, like a bad person sometimes, I just wish the good person wouldn't be so scared to show love.

I crave freedom within myself, I want to be me.

And it's this endless dance within my mind, ever sense I was a child.

A dark past, absent parents, still somedays I have nobody to talk to.

But despite everything I've been through I want to give people what I lacked growing up, love.

I'm just so afraid and it's because of how I used to be treated.

(At the time of writing this I'm a crying mess.)

(I'm back now, my mind a little more clear.)

The stronger I pretend to feel the weaker I become.

At my lowest is when I feel my strongest, makes me feel alive, reminds me of who I really am.

I just want to let go of ego, anger, apathy, dread, fake.

I want to be true, kind, humble, selfless, happy, I don't want to be what most are-

I just want to be me.

I want to be the reason some loosen the noose on the rope, I want to help people who feel helpless.

I just want to be someone I'd be proud of, I don't care about fame, wealth, all the stupid materials and flexing.

I care about people, I care about helping; as making others smile is what makes me feel alive- even if I don't reach many people, making one person happier is already achieving my dream.

My dream is to help as many people as I can, I just need to get rid of this anxiety.

Chasing my dream gives me purpose, anxiety is a cage to keep me from chasing my dreams, I just need to build the key to get out of this prison.