Im really trying to escape this feeling, but maybe not hard enough
I have had these for some time now. In one moment, nearly every day, I fall into darkness, it leaves me after an hour, sometimes a few hours, sometimes minutes, but it feels like its lurking around me constantly for maybe even a few years now. I have had the recurring feeling that somethings missing for a very long time, and it felt like I was searching for something. For about this year now, it just seems all empty, like Ive given up. Like theres nothing good awaiting infront of me anymore. I cant put it on paper, I cant describe it through anything to disassemble and I guess cope with it. It feels like my fears are now controlling my life majorly. I just need to vent, sorry for the negativity.
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the search is not forever fruitless, nor will it stay aimless. if truth were not so deeply hidden, then we should have moved on already, as a people. something IS missing, but once you have articulated it exactly, it begins to lose its power. let those dark hours bring you closer to it; keep them under your control, if you can. study the works of those who have gone that way before, in philosophy and in music. there is light in everything at its core, even in mere searching (and suffering)
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“The Sickness Unto Death” in particular deals with despair, which is what i would characterize that carelessness/chronic procrastination as. I found it very insightful and helpful :)
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It’s a lack of perceived meaning, i think, or at least it was for me. It’s natural to stagnate when there is nothing pulling you forward and giving you reason to persevere. But that lack of happiness and lack of desire for any particular thing is a sign that you haven’t fallen for any of the usual falsities, which is good, and means you are free to pursue your own designs. Kierkegaard wrote very poignantly about this, if you have not read him yet, i would recommend him highly.
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I mean, excelling and improving as a human being in that kind of sense. Is it chronic procrastination?
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the lead sucks again
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It feels like Im missing out on every opportunity and before I realize it, my time runs out completely...
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and time races by... I cant keep up with it.
