Not sure how open you are to receiving criticism, but here goes:
The detuned saw is far too detuned, to the point where it sounds out of tune.
The melody/arp that comes in at 00:21 clashes in terms of frequency content with the saw, as well as the other chord(?) that's playing. Essentially, there is a lot going on in one frequency bandwidth, which both creates masking issues, but also makes the overall mix sound rather thin.