with the lyrical content of the song i feel like you want to be more emotive, but for some rsn you're holding yourself back. it results in a monotone, indifferent delivery that doesnt sell the desperation of needing this person back. when you go up into your sweeter register it's rlly nice, i'd stay up there for longer. you don't need to be belting notes but i think you'd benefit from singing "in character" more if that makes sense!!
i love the lyrics and the story i made here so much i refuse to unlike it
sue me
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this is a song about the battle between my mental stability and my willingness to love
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sorry for bad quality(no mic)
when i re-record, ill record the vocals and guitar separately, and mix it better
for now, enjoy
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Lyrics:
We’ll make it out i swear
Ill try to make you care
About this broken window in our house
Or this cotton colored blouse
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Do i make you feel like you should?
A question that changes the whole damn mood
Should i try to be more of a man
Than i ever could be?
Maybe you’ll see…
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I’m not that… x3
Oh where’s my chance
To be your man?
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Exchanging of numbers
In a broken down cafe
Like, hey, whats your name?
I always forget
(what’s on my mind?)
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Oh, thinking of a reason
For why I can’t hang out again
“Oh, look at me, I’m bleeding”
Like, goodbye
See you next time, or maybe not
We could die anytime, so just say goodbye…
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I’m not that bad… x3
Oh, where’s my chance
To be your man?
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What if i do it?
Slam my head inside a van
Or load up another bullet?
Would it hurt more than
Going to your house, to try to win you back?
Why can’t I relax?
Why don’t you call back?
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What if i do it?
Stick my finger down my throat, cause now i’m only drinking fluids
Oh, something’s not right, doc!
Just tell me what I want to hear, maybe it’ll clear
My hazy head(but i doubt it, cause)
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I’m not that bad… x3
Oh, where’s my chance
I just want to be
your man…
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Yeah. I choked up in a little bit due to breathing issues and the way some of the words need to flow
I’ll work on it for the next record
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there's some awkward moments here and there imo, but i think they effectively communicate the emotions you're trying to. i think you're on the right track
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The lyrics themselves are ok, though?
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I love your voice, the song, and the lyrics—they’re so raw and genuinely emotional, no frills, just real and stripped down. And honestly, that’s perfect. But with your talent, I’d suggest experimenting with different versions where you play around with more variations. The ideal balance might be coming back to this version or maybe a mix of pieces from all the different takes. Either way, amazing work, bro <3!
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This is awesome! Cant judge this at all, i just wish there was another version where is more dramatic and reverb-ish, u got an awesome voice sheesh
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maybe ur best song
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Wightfall type shit, haha reminds me of it atleast
vocals are ,not that bad, even without a microphone
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Thx 4 the mix vro
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love to see stuff like this on audiotool
hell yeah
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My goat
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Republished
Volume
