I originally wanted to make this into a song. Story: The cathedral was too calm I had died but I can naturally regenrate my body so my sibling was the only one that actually passed. It was rough for me seeing their lifeless body all dressed in white. I after the funeral sat there with a bottle of Vodka and bloodshot eyes...It was too peaceful in here which is what you would expect but it was an uncomfortable sense of peace as if this wasnt the end. It was just the beginning of something.. (SOMEONE GIVE ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD ADD IN HERE)
you could work on the atmospherics of this much more but i like the basic idea of what you have, its nice. one thing tho, the vocal gets a bit repetitive, so maybe you could pitch shift it using a pitch delay or something from time to time? or just take the little bit you repeat, put it in a machiniste and then change the pitch for certain notes. just a suggestion, but youve got something really good to go on, please finish it :)
oh one other thing, i really like how the beginning synth transforms keys (ur going from a Bb major/g minor scale to Ab major/f minor in a way that works which is cool) but at
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youve got an E on the bottom end of that pattern that really sticks out, try moving it up by one note and it should be fine ;)
really dig the vox and piano - some burial related part of me wants to throw the percs thru a filter and turn that synth into a reese bass lol. great stuff tho kiu