so do nightmares. day b4 he left me, idreamt we were gonna break up and TA-DA!! :3 lol WHATEVER.../:
Ok. This song is dedicated to my boyfriend, Michael Sreenan. Why? Because my life sucks and he makes it better, point-blank. I've been trying to make him a song ever since we started going out (almost 2 months ago, holy shit, time goes by fast!!) and I haven't been able to finish one because, like I said, my life sucks, and thats includes my music-making abilities, lol. Anyways, today, after all the drama in my house (and outside my house, cuz there was a lot of running away) last night, I was just like "Fuck it." I'm chill with my suckish life. Everything's cool. It's all just like whatever. I seriously thought my time to "go to my creator" was last night, all peaceful and calm and cold like the way I was, but I woke up this morning, kinda pissed that I was awake and not in heaven (or hell, which is where I'm most likely gonna end up), but whatever. It's cool. God obviously doesn't want me (yet). But, anyways, Michael was there for me last night, and every second of my suckish life during the short time we've known eachother. But what's the rush, right? We've got forever. <3 I refuse to believe that he'll be another Derek (your Bacon Strips), leaving me in the dust like that. What I had with Derek Houser was nothing but a bunch of lies, but this relationship, and attatchment I have with Michael is really something special.
Regardless, I hope my music doesn't make wanna puke too much. Iknow it sucks, but WHATEVER. I'm learning (slowly). Suggestions, comments, advice, support, etc.? <3
Btw, happy early birthday Michael :* <3 Ilove you(: Oh, and can this be kinda like a part of my early-2mo-anniversary gift to you, too? <3
01.30 .12 <3
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heyheyhey. dreams come trueee chica. chill it out.
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lol, if life were only that simple (: one can keep dreamin', rite? <3
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why do i have to live through this bs? but there are certain things that keep you going. cause better days HAVE to be ahead, right? one day. you'll be sitting in a huge chair, the CEO of some MASSIVE company. and you'll think.. "dang. im lucky that i didnt give up then. so freaking lucky."
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oh god. giving up? man. you dont know how many times ive wanted to do that. just sit down and screw life. it sucks. MY life especially. nothing works out. and its like i have to sit back and watch people do things that IVE been dreaming of doing all my life. and it's like... why? (continued)^
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im new BFFs with Michael's new girlfriend... she thinks im the nicest person ever. i guess i just like torturing myself. im sooooo "happy" at school nowadays but i come home and cry myself to sleep everyday. and its fine, ur free to butt in whenever u want (: and thank you. talking things thru sure seems to work for me at the time. but icant say it out loud. ihate crying. it shows weakness, and i despise being "weak".
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I may be of some help here Bish
Last year i was diagnosed with severe depression and psychotic symptoms and ive seen psychiatrists ever since.
The feeling to give in is easy to succumb to, i tried suicide many times. But noone knew a thing, my friends think im extremely happy cause i smile so much, but its a cover up smile. So the advice i can offer is just talk things through. It sounds ineffective but you'd be surprised how many burdens and weights you can lift off your chest
Sorry for butting in
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that's exactly what i thought to make me stop wanting to give up (: (not the rich part, but just the successfullness of it)
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giving up. i almost did that once. but you have to remember. if you give up, you cant show it up in their faces whn your rich and they're not.
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lol thanks<3 and well... ihavent given up (yet). imean, i did, but then i realized i have things to finish (revenge to carry through with (;) lmao. so im still here <3 and thanks, it was actually my ex who got me started with this :3 maybe u've heard him on here? he goes by Bacon Strips (:
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awww girll :/ dont give up! man. if you knew my life. smh! its so crappy. like legit. and btdubs, you're REALLY talented! omg. so i opened audiotool to ATTEMPT to write something. and GOODNESS. i cant even get a tune started. this is so freaking difficult. so be proud of yourself! making music isn't an easy thing to do :)
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Well that happiness didnt last long at ALL. Because my dear Michael just decided we need to take a "little break" as he called it. And i've decided that IM DONE. With everything. Life, love, etc. So bye!! <3
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that's amazing. thats my new motto in life. my new song will be named that (if u dont mind) <3 Idont know what I have. Idont think iwant to know either. and if there is something wrong, idont want it to be classified and labeled. idont think whatever it is that i have issues with is even severe enough to be medically acknowledged.
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I fit Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features and Generalized Anxiety LOL. Almost dead on (paranoid psychosis typically). Not properly diagnosed because in clinical settings it's not necessary. I'm a wreck though. I use techniques to function in society (like my career, etc...). But that's life. Bare pain gracefully.
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awww, good luck with her, and yourself <3 ur in my prayers <3 what do you have?
