I actually know exactly how you feel man. My cousin died awhile ago and I had to take a long long break from Audiotool and felt so overwhelmed by the emotions I was feeling. Im so sorry you feel the way you feel man.But suicide is not the answer. Your brother would hate to watch you do that to yourself. You're not alone man. If you ever need someone to talk to add me on Discord (.mythikai_music). You're loved man and that I can swear on.