Well, I kinda made this song in 4 hours, hopefully it sounds good to you guys as well. It kinda sounds like it can be in a trailer, don't you think? Please leave a comment and all that good stuff :-)
You have the basis of the track there, but it needs 'Pimping up' a bit. You need to use more effect pedals to soften some sounds (the military snare) and enhance others (melodies). Play around with the Reverb, Delay and Stereo detune on your synths. Vary your percussion, make the pattern 64 beats long to start with, and just mix it up a bit in the last 16 beats, it will help the flow.
I'm a great beleiver in the truth, if you are happy to take advice you will get better much quicker. There maybe some people on here that can do a track in 4 hours, but thats pretty good going.