Mental health is struggling big time again, has been for a while now, massive relapse. Been drinking daily for like a couple months now and most nights end with cocaine or speed, or whatever else in between. I'm a fucking wreck, this world is a wreck. Life is a beautiful mess but an ugly blessing I guess.

Desperately trying to keep going, getting in touch with doctors and stuff now cos the suicidal thoughts are getting really hard to ignore. This world is filled with monsters and I want to go home but Ill never know what home is, I just know this place isn't it. I dont want this illness to be terminal but I'm getting tired of fighting myself, i'm so tired.

tired but not defeated, i think I can hang in there a little longer until I get help. tomorrow is a new day and whether i believe it or not I'm blessed to have a tomorrow.

also... [random music shit draft idfk, shitpost i guess?] idk :/