Audiotool board archive

Input vs Output

How many drafts do you start in a year, and how many do you actually finish in that time? Many artists around the community have an extremely consistent output, some exhibiting the same level of production quality found in the output of those who take months to deliver. I'm guilty of being the latter, even though my input is 10x my output. These observations point the finger directly to perfectionism as the culprit of my creative stress. As a synopsis, here's some questions I'd love to see discussed if reading the rest of this is too boring: how do those of you in the community tackle perfectionism? For those who don't encounter perfectionism, what does self love feel like? What does quality mean to you for your art? Why do you REALLY make art?

The Creative Process

This part is all kind of anecdotal but it's relevant. Experimentation manufactures inspiration. Being curious starts a draft in the first place. This beginning stage conjures the least anxiety; there's no point trying to review the penis music I sloppily crafted in 15 minutes. However, as refinement morphs a doodle of penis music into a sliver of a much bigger endeavor, expectations grow fast with ambition. There's a point of clarity at this stage where it becomes clear it's nearly impossible for reality to match expectations

Deviating From Expectations

So, if a draft can't live up to an artist's expectations, is it failed? Is art that deviates from where you wanted it worth releasing? It probably depends on self-esteem. I'd like to get to the bottom of this without a therapist though. This issue is the reasoning behind failed draft alts for some and creative paralysis for others (and me.) You know what your idea is, and you know it's good, but the tools available to you, your motivation, or whatever else fails you and you arrive at a crossroads. Paralysis is a shield to protect you from mangling your idea beyond recognition, but ultimately it deprives the world of experiencing ANY version of your idea, let alone the intended one. This all creates a tradeoff with very real consequences for a perfectionist: do I show the world this mangled version of my idea and sit with the sinking feeling of wasted potential? do I spend valuable time and energy pathetically trying shove the draft toward my expectations? or do I sleep on it and direct that time and energy into another idea? If this inner conflict begins to cyclically infect every draft, it becomes a decision between whatever causes the least pain for the artist rather than what's best for the art itself

Diagnosis

Maybe figuring out the source can erase the pain altogether. What causes perfectionism? Well, why does art have to be perceived by others to satisfy the artist in the first place? If that weren't a variable, would there be any conflict? I think not, at least for myself. My primal desire to create may be intrinsic but showing others what I've made also treats some invisible wound. The catharsis isn't complete without the approval of others, even if the process of creating is cathartic in and of itself. So when a finished product feels disappointing only to me, despite praise from others, why does it still feel bittersweet? Perhaps I want other people to be on the same page with me about the ambition and quality of my original idea. Creating art essentially manufactures validation through praise of my ideas, aka ME. Perfectionism is the subconscious evaluation of my creative process, constantly determining how to produce the most dopamine through obtaining validation. It transforms the creation of art into a chillingly effective method of feeding an addiction. Putting out something I'm disappointed in is like having an underwhelming trip despite sacrificing so much to obtain a hit. Maybe this is a therapist's job

I NEED NIC!!

So how is perfectionism cured? No idea. It's probably personal. But I have more interest in ripping it from addiction and instead utilizing it to create better art. If anyone can wield that skill, please share how you learned. Thanks